you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
