in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
