my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
