She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
