She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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