i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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