do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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