Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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