some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
