There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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