Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
