I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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