Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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