She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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