If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
