I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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