when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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