PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
