i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
