im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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