You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
