I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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