as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
