Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
