She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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