I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Randomize
