if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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