Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
