so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
