My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
