I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
