it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
