Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
