my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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