I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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