I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So apparently I’m into choking now
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