Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You have to summon your inner elephant
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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