there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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