She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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