i think my tv is drunk
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My feet surprised me
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
