saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I have fence marks all over my body
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
