dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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