Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
