I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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