So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
how drunk are you?
Several
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
