Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
