I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Randomize
