She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
