I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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