I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
